12 days of Christmas: #9 (My Christmas gifts)

This is what I got for Christmas this year.... But first, a little background.... Just days before Christmas eve, Alex's curiosity got the best of him and he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I hadn't said anything, hadn't made a Christmas list, hadn't expressed any desires. I told him I already had everything I wanted, but I guess that wasn't so true. There is something I wanted for Christmas. Instead I received other precious gifts.

Source: scrapzone.blogspot.com via Think Spring on Pinterest

I got homesick on Christmas and wanted desperately more than anything else in the world, to be comfortable and home in my country with the ones I love most. But that wasn't so possible. They were painful moments, but sometimes growing and stretching is indeed a painful thing. As I sat alone in the parking lot at church on Christmas morning while my family attended sacrament meeting, I contemplated the barren winter trees all around me. So empty and lonely and yet so beautiful with the brilliant sun cutting through the bitter cold. I thought about the Savior and his birth and willed for the brilliancy of this good news to cut through my bitter loneliness. To no avail. It was too soon. I still had more learning and growing to do. A kind friend came to comfort me and gently reminded me that she had just traveled to the United States by herself to visit her country and extended family, and that the entire time she was homesick for her little family that she had left in France. That for her they are what count the most.

I spent most of the day trying to rest and calm the torrent of emotions and tears. My mother-in-law Francine and my sweet sisters-in-law Valérie and Laurence would later embrace me with warm comfort and understanding. And my tears would finally cease. I've done a great deal of reflecting these past few days, trying to get over my homesickness. I've called home many times and have been reminded of precious gifts that are mine. I've had deep conversations with my sister-in-law Valérie who understands my homesickness because she too (for different reasons) now has an international family. She has also gently reminded me of precious gifts that are mine. Being a multi-national family is not an easy road to travel. There will always be one of us in our couple, that feels uprooted and far from the comforts and familiarity of home.

But I am richly blessed. My French family and my American family are both so wonderful that I am in often in awe at their goodness and love!

And them I am reminded of one Christmas when I received the gift I wanted most - a beautiful doll - and the feeling was simply magical. I cherished this doll perhaps because the feelings it awakened in me were the instincts of my divine nature: to be a mother. And this I yearned for all my girlhood days. This year, as I look into my children's eyes, that same magical feeling has been rekindled as I realize that the dreams I had as a little girl have been fulfilled! I am a mother. And that is so wonderful! What I desired most in my life is now mine! Those girlhood magical feelings have been transformed into joy! I am a mother of three beautiful children!

My Heavenly Father thought enough of me to bless me with this wonderful man, who is so good to me and has blessed my life with three beautiful, healthy, wonderful children. And these are my most precious Christmas gifts. My little family. There is nothing I love more than to be with Sam and our children.

They say that home is where the heart is. Sometimes that means my heart is split in two. Ouch! That hurts. But I once read that we should not fear pain because it carves out more room in the heart. More room to be filled with love and joy and all of the good and wonderful things this life has to offer. I still don't know how to better handle my homesickness when it comes. Perhaps just wait until it passes. And to remember that every tearful separation will indeed bring a joyful reunion. And this because of the Savior's gift to us. And that is the greatest Christmas gift of all!

Also in this Christmas series:

• On setting priorities...
• Preparing Christmas {English/français}
• 12 days of Christmas: #1 (Wreaths)
• 12 days of Christmas: #2 (Gift wrappings)
• 12 days of Christmas: #3 (Nativity sets)
• 12 days of Christmas: #4 (Christmas trees)
• 12 days of Christmas: #5 (Boxes for Japan Christmas project)
• 12 days of Christmas: #6 (Advent calendars)
• 12 days of Christmas: #7 (Elf on the shelf)
• 12 days of Christmas: #8 (Slowing down to enjoy the glorious season)

Pin It